


Crashing into the sun

by itotallyreadthatbook



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, YouTube, agatha is amazing, carry on, english accents for the win, everyone is a youtuber, need a beta reader, simon and baz fall in love (spoilers), simon and penny are best friends for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:32:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itotallyreadthatbook/pseuds/itotallyreadthatbook
Summary: Simon and Penny are both successful British YouTubers. They go to VidCon, where they meet Baz, a YouTuber who mainly plays violin and has discussions on his channel about serious topics. Things don't go well between the two boys in the beginning





	1. When we saw your first letter arrive

**Author's Note:**

> please keep in mind that i have never been to vidcon, neither am i a successful youtuber. i’m just a writer who wants simon and baz to fall in love over and over again. i absolutely love yt aus, so i figured i would write one.

Simon’s dream had come true: he could finally go to VidCon with his best friend Penny. After years and years of making videos, he had gained a million subscribers. Close after him, Penny’s channel had hit a million too.  
Simon was not sure how he would describe his channel, _SimonSaysHaveFun_. He mostly made  
chatty videos about awkward/funny experiences  
talked about what it was like to grow up in a foster home  
made silly gaming videos trying out the most ridiculous games (but "Can Your Pet" had been a disaster)  
\- he came out to his viewers a year ago  
\- did Q &As  
\- did tags with Penny (Would You Rather, Roommate Tag, Most Likely To)  
\- covers for songs he liked  
\- made book and movie reviews with Penny  
\- a short vlog every now and then (mainly of YouTube events)  
So his channel was all over the place. But he liked it. It had been his passion since he was fifteen years old, and now five years later he earned his money with it.  
He still could remember the day he and Penny decided to make channels.  
‘You know, Simon, why don’t we make a YouTube channel? I think it would work,’ Penny had said.  
Simon shrugged. ‘Why would we?’  
‘You are kind of funny sometimes, and I can make a channel where I talk about books or something. I don’t know. But again, why not? If it’s a flop, we just delete it,’ Penny daydreamed.  
‘It could work, though. But what kind of content should I post?’ Simon still was a bit insecure about the idea. And with “a bit”, he meant “a lot”.  
‘Make videos about what you like, Si. That way, they always will be funny and interesting,’ Penny said. She tugged at her bright red curls. ‘Do you think I could dye my hair purple, by the way?’

**o.O.o**

And that was how it began. Simon set up a channel he loved, and watched it grow. In the beginning, it didn’t grow very fast. Some friends even made fun of him and Penny for trying to become successful. But they didn’t give up, despite Simon’s fears and thoughts about failing.  
But after a year or so, Simon noticed that his channel began to grow faster and faster. He made some collabs with Penny where they talked about what it’s really like to have a mental illness, and it went viral. At that time, not many YouTubers were open about their illnesses, mental or physical. Simon talked about thantophobia, his fear of losing people, and his emotional breakdowns and panic attacks. Penny told about her periods of depression. It was still one of his most-watched videos, right after his coming out video.

‘Today, we want to talk to you about something very serious,’ Simon said. ‘Our mental illnesses. Most of you may not know it, but I have thantophobia, which means that I’m afraid of losing people I love. And not just: “oh, I hope they don’t die”, but it’s really bad. I lie awake for hours and get myself worked up because of my spiral of thoughts. I also have emotional breakdowns sometimes, if things get really bad.’ Simon breathed in sharply and nodded at Penny.  
‘I have periods of depression. Sometimes there are months in between, but when it happens, I feel miserable and bad. I feel so much that I just can’t explain it. It’s still very hard for me to talk about, so I hope you will understand me,’ Penny said. ‘The reason depression is the worst, is not because of the self harm, soul-crushing sadness or the wanting to kill yourself. It’s the long and painful stretches of days where you’re kind of just existing. The time you spend in bed aimlessly browsing the internet instead of doing things you have to do. You exist, and it’s okay, but you don’t know why. You feel like you’re missing out on life, but at the same time it doesn’t really matter. That’s what is the worst for me.’  
Simon knew how nervous she was for telling this. He was too.  
In the end, the video ended up being twenty minutes long.  
‘We wanted to tell you that, how bad may be now, things will get better someday. And, please, if you recognise yourself in our stories, please talk to someone. It may sound cliche, but it really helps,’ Penny concluded.

On Penny’s channel, _a penny for your thoughts_ , they made a video about how YouTube is a hard job, even if the media convinces you otherwise.  
‘The amount of effort we put in a video is huge. And yes, this is not the hardest job ever, I know. But we constantly have to remember what a huge influence we have, and think about everything we do and say,’ Penny said. Simon nodded.  
‘And it’s also the case that the media doesn’t like us. Whenever a YouTuber has done something unacceptable, all YouTubers are suddenly “bad people” and “lazy teenagers/millennials who can’t do anything”. But when one lawyer does a bad thing, it doesn’t affect all the lawyers who have ever existed, but only that one individual. You what I mean, right?’ Simon turned to Penny.  
‘Yes, I fully agree with what you say. It is true that the media takes out of context everything we do and say, and I don’t like it. Sure, some YouTubers are shit. But not all of them. Have you ever seen the Booktube community? Those people are adorable. My point was, don’t shit on every single one of us if you have a bad experience with just one person, okay?’ Penny said.

**o.O.o**

Now, five years later, it was 2017. Simon woke up and checked his email. When he found out he got an invitation for VidCon in his mailbox, he screamed. Really loud.  
‘Are you being murdered over there?’ Penny shouted. She was sitting in their living room.  
‘Penn, I got an invitation for VidCon!’ Simon jumped out of bed with his laptop in his hands and ran to the living room.  
‘Si, that’s amazing! Wait, let me check my email.’ Penny got up and looked around the room. ‘If I only remembered where I left it…’  
‘Your bedroom.’ Simon plopped down on the sofa. He scanned the email while the realisation still had to reach his brain.  
Penny stormed into the room a minute later. ‘I’m going too!’  
Simon put his laptop next to him on the sofa and high-fived Penny. ‘We are going to America! I just can’t believe it. Can you believe it, Penn?’  
‘No, this is so amazing. I’ve dreamt about this for years now.’ Penny laughed loudly. ‘I’m just so happy. It means so much, you know.’  
Simon smiled. ‘Yeah, I understand you.’  
‘But maybe you should put on pants. You’re only wearing boxers,’ Penny said dryly.  
Simon looked down. ‘Oh. I was already thinking; why am I so cold? Wait a minute, I will get my onesie.’  
When he came back, Penny was still standing in the middle of the room.  
‘Penn, we can’t drink legally there,’ Simon realised. ‘That’s a shame. But next year we can.’  
‘Damn it. There go my drunk plans for June.’ Penny sank down on the sofa, back to browsing the internet.

**o.O.o**

A couple of months later, Simon and Penny arrived in the giant hotel that would be their home for the next few days.  
‘Penn, it’s so huge and luxe. I almost feel like I’m underdressed or something,’ Simon whispered.  
‘Why are you whispering?’ Penny asked. They just got their keys for their rooms, which were not on the same floor, unfortunately.  
‘I don’t know. But hey, now we can sneak to each other’s rooms in the night. That’s going to be fun!’ Simon looked around if he saw any familiar faces.  
His former girlfriend, Agatha, said she would arrive today with her new girlfriend, Olivia. Agatha moved to California two years ago, and Simon had only seen her a couple of times since then. But they still were good friends.  
Suddenly, Penny yelled, ‘Agatha!’ She walked towards Agatha and a girl Asian looking girl with long, black hair.  
‘Penny, I’ve missed you so much,’ Agatha said when she gave Penny a hug. ‘And you, Simon.’ She hugged him too.  
‘We should meet up more often, don’t you think?’ Simon said. ‘Stuff isn’t as lovely in London when Agatha Wellbelove isn’t there.’  
‘You’re so funny, Si,’ said Agatha sarcastically. Her girlfriend and she had a channel named Wellbelovely & Olivia Too.  
‘It’s not my fault that your channel name is one big pun,’ Simon defended himself. ‘By the way, I’m Simon,’ he introduced himself to Olivia. ‘I don’t think we have met before.’  
‘No, we haven’t. I’m Olivia. I absolutely love your channel,’ she said. ‘And yours too,’ she turned to Penny, ‘I always watch your videos for book recommendations.’  
‘I’m happy to help,’ Penny smiled.  
‘We don’t have much time, but should we meet up tonight for dinner?’ Agatha asked. She had cut her hair, Simon noticed. It was not long and wavy, but cut off right above her shoulders.  
‘Sounds lovely.’ Simon laughed at his own joke.  
‘All those years apart and your jokes only got worse,’ Agatha sighed. ‘I was expecting some more effort.’  
‘See you tonight!’ Simon said as Penny dragged him down the hall.


	2. You walked in and my heart went boom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Simon bumps into Baz, while he is doing something he shouldn't do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great so now I’m procrastinating studying for my German test tomorrow, just so I can write. What is my life (I absolutely hate German. It is similar to Dutch, but not really, and the grammar is weird).  
> yay hamilton titles. i love hamilton (what else is new).  
> i thought: why not update today? also, there are old episodes of voltron streaming on netflix tomorrow, so i’m going to binge watch that

_ ~ Simon ~ _

‘That sounds awful, Agatha. I hope you get well soon,’ Simon heard Penny say to her phone. Agatha had just called Penny, but Simon hadn’t heard what she had said. After a while, Penny ended the conversation.

‘Agatha has got migraine, so dinner with the four of us is cancelled. If she feels better tomorrow, then we will lunch with them,’ Penny shared.

‘Is it bad?’ Simon asked. He was concerned about Agatha. He remembered her having migraine attacks in high school, and those were times when he needed to tiptoe around her.

‘More or less. She’s had worse, don’t worry.’ Penny played with corners of her broken phone case. ‘But what are we going to eat for dinner?’

Simon shrugged. ‘Don’t know. We can order room service?’

‘Sounds like a plan. Do you want to get pizza?’ Penny reached for the old-fashioned phone on the table.

‘Penn, have I ever said no to pizza? I want the one with pineapple.' Simon tried to throw a grape into his mouth, but it missed fell onto the ground. He stared at it, but didn't pick it up.

‘You’re disgusting.’ Penny searched for the little book with all the important numbers from the hotel in it.

When she found it, she tried to call the reception room. After a while, she frowned.

‘What’s wrong?’ Simon asked.

‘It’s not working, I can't hear anything. Stupid old thing,’ Penny muttured.

‘We can use the phone in my room,’ Simon suggested. ‘I don't think that one is broken. But we can’t eat in my room, though. It’s way too messy.’

‘That’s fine by me. You go to your room, order our stuff and say they have to deliver it to my room. No big deal.’ Penny started fidgeting with her phone case again.

‘Aren’t you coming with me?’ Simon was already standing by the door.

‘Nah, you can handle this,’ Penny said, sipping her tea. ‘But I don’t want pineapple pizza, though. It may be your favourite, but I absolutely hate it. Just order something else, doesn’t really matter what.’

‘Okay. See you in a minute!’ Simon grabbed his keys and shut the door.

 

When Simon entered his own door, he fished his keys out of his pocket. But when he tried to put them in the door, it didn't work. 

Simon frowned, and pulled the keys out. He tried the other one, and wiggled the key up and down in the lock. It still didn’t work.

‘What are you doing at my door?’ A voice said. Simon almost jumped, and he turned around as fast as he could.

‘Your door? But I thought…’ He looked at the number on the door, then at the number on the keyring. Again, at the number on the door, and the number on the keyring. ‘Oh.’

‘Yeah, I thought so too. Can’t you read? Or didn’t you learn how to count at school?’ The guy who was the owner of the room, was absolutely stunning. He was that kind of gu who was too beautiful to be real. Simon tried not to stare at him, but it was almost inevitable.

Thick black hair, tall, gorgeous gray eyes and goodness - Simon loved seeing the guy in jeans. He didn’t know why, though. It was a bit weird.

‘Uhm, sorry, I thought this was room sixty-one,’ Simon stuttered.

‘This is room sixty, idiot. Next time, actually look at the door before you try to enter, okay?’ The guy raised an eyebrow.

‘Yes, of course. I’m sorry about this... ‘ Simon fell silent. He had never been good with words, especially not if someone this pretty was talking to him. ‘Incident. I will go now. Bye.’ He turned around at the speed of light and got into his own room without looking back.

 

When Simon closed his door behind him, he deeply sighed. He was such an idiot.

  
  


_ ~ Baz ~ _

Blue eyes. Bronze curls. Pink lips.

What had just happened?

That guy was way too cute. But would Baz be able to meet him again?

  
  


_ ~ Simon ~ _

‘Penny, I swear, this guy dead-stared me! He doesn’t like me at all,’ Simon pouted.

Penny shrugged. ‘We don’t know for sure, not yet. Listen, there’s a big chance he’s a YouTuber. Maybe we’ll see him tomorrow, or the day after that. Then, we - or you -  will try to talk to him again. You will see that you’re just exaggerating and everything will be fine.’ Penny took a bite from her pizza. ‘You worry too much, Si. Remember my words.’

  
  


_ The next morning _

One thing Simon loves about hotels? The food. He hadn’t stayed in hotels too much before, so he wasn’t used to the luxury of everything, including the breakfast. Eggs, croissants, tea, marmalade, everything tasted good.

And this hotel had the most delicious scones.

‘Slow down, Si, or else you will choke,’ Penny said.

‘Yes, yes, I know. But they are just so amazing. And -’ Simon froze.

‘What have you spotted, Simon?’ Penny said sarcastically. She followed his gaze. ‘Or rather, who?’

‘That’s him! The guy from the hallway who hates me,’ Simon said.

‘Woah. He  _ is _ hot,’ Penny noticed.

‘I know, right?’ Simon pointed with his scone at her. ‘Now you see that I was right yesterday.’

‘Well, go on. Talk to him!’

‘But what if…’

‘Shut up! Nothing bad will happen. Just say something nice, preferably not about the weather. Or the food,’ Penny commanded.

‘I don’t know…’ Simon shoved uneasily on his chair. Was it a good idea to talk to Hallway Guy? He seemed so intimidating. And what if Simon lost his words again? Maybe he could just hide in his room and avoid Hallway Guy for the next days. Then it would be over.

‘Or you don’t talk at all, of course,’ Penny sighed. ‘Is he even British?’

‘I think he is. He had an English accent,’ Simon said with a mouth full of food.

‘The you will meet him again, probably. You can’t avoid him forever, Si,’ Penny concluded.

_ Watch me,  _ Simon thought.

  
  


_ ~ Baz ~ that afternoon ~ _

Did Baz know what his name was?

No.

Did that stop him from thinking about the boy?

Also no.

 

Baz had spotted him at breakfast that morning, sitting in front of a girl with dark skin, huge glasses, bright purple curls and a big matching ring. His girlfriend, maybe? Baz didn’t hope so. That wouldn’t be good.

But something in Baz said that this boy wasn’t straight. Or was that called "getting your hopes up"?

Baz pushed the boy out of his mind. No time for that, now. He had agreed to meet Agatha here, in the main hall of VidCon, at four o’clock. He looked around, searching for a blonde head, but couldn’t find her.

‘Baz, I’m here! Sorry if I’m a little late, someone was talking to me and they just didn’t stop,’ Agatha said from behind him. Baz put on a little smile.

‘Don’t worry, you’re not really late. Besides, I didn’t actually count on you being right on time,’ he said. Agatha laughed.

‘Very funny, Basilton.’

She sighed. ‘I haven’t seen you in ages. When was the last time we met?’

‘I think  it was when you were in England to see your family,’ Baz said. ‘So that must have been a couple of months ago.’

 

He and Agatha had started talking on internet a couple of years ago. Since then they had met a couple of times, actually. Often enough to know each other well. He missed her sometimes, when she was not in England. Agatha had a vibe around her that cheered him op. It contained sunlight, brightness and kindness and Agatha was always ready to help. She reminded him a bit of the boy from yesterday.

‘How has your day been going?’ Agatha asked.

‘Pretty well. I’m always a little frightened, meeting the people who are behind the subscriber numbers. It’s different, you know?’ Baz tried to explain.

‘I completely understand what you mean. People have the feeling that they know you, but they kind of don’t and it’s uncomfortable sometimes.’ Agatha and Baz sat down on a sofa in the room. ‘But it’s also fun, meeting your audience.’

‘That’s true. YouTube is a weird thing,’ Baz murmured.

 

They talked for sometime, when Baz noticed the times and realised he had his next meet-up in fourty-five minutes.

‘Agatha, I need to go. My fans are waiting.’ Baz winked at her.

‘Time goes by fast if you’re having fun,’ Agatha smiled. Then someone behind them said her name.

‘Agatha, I need your help!’ Baz and Agatha turned around, and Baz saw the boy from yesterday, with the exact same lost expression on his face. It made Baz wanting to help this lost puppy (because that was what he looked like. A lost puppy).

‘Oh. Er, hello, I guess?’ the boy said when he noticed Baz. Baz stared at him. Agatha knew this guy?

‘Simon, what’s going on?’ Agatha asked.

‘Well, I kind of lost Penny,’ Simon softly said. ‘It’s a shame, I know!’

‘But Simon, again?’ Agatha sighed. ‘And let me guess, your phone has died?’

‘How did you know?’ Simon asked sarcastically. ‘Can I borrow yours for a moment? Please?’

Agatha fished her phone out of her bag. ‘Of course you can. But think about bringing an extra battery next time. This is like, the third time this has happened.’

‘I know, I know. Please don’t say that. I  _ will _ think of it next time,’ Simon promised. He held Agatha’s phone to his ear.

‘Hi, Penn. You’re speaking with Simon. Uhm, where exactly are you?’ he said.

So his name was Simon. Nice to know. Baz stood uncomfortably next to Agatha, who realised she needed to introduce them.

‘Simon, this is Baz. Baz, this is Simon,’ she said.

‘Yeah, we’ve met,’ I said vaguely. Simon turned red.

Again, it was an incident,' he said.

I smiled at the sight of seeing him all flustered. ‘I know.’

‘Wait, what?’ Agatha looked confused as heck.

‘Yesterday, Simon tried to break into my room yesterday evening,' I explained.

Simon turned even brighter red. ‘No, I didn’t! I wanted to get to my own room, but I picked the wrong door.’

‘You bloody idiot.’ Agatha shook her head. ‘That’s truly something that can only happen to you, isn’t it?’

‘I guess so. But hey, I need to go. Thanks for letting me borrow you phone. See you later, Agatha,’ Simon said. ‘And Baz, maybe we’ll meet again.’

‘I hope so. But don’t break into my room next time, okay?’

‘Are you ever going to stop mentioning that?’ Simon frustratedly asked.

‘Nope,’ Baz said, popping the “p”.

 

When Simon went back to Penny, Agatha turned to Baz.

‘You like him, don’t you?’ she said.

‘Maybe a little,’ I confessed.

‘Yeah, of course. Good luck with that, Baz. He is a trainwreck sometimes.’

  
Baz went to his meetup that afternoon with a somewhat brighter mood than normal. He only had one thought: this will end in flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m completely shocked by what happened in London yesterday. Attacks happen more often than people would think, but that this happens kind of close to myself… It is quite a shock. My thoughts are with everyone out there, the survivors of the attack, their families and all the lovely English people. Together we stay strong, guys.


	3. The sun comes up and the world still spins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year later. Baz and Simon meet again, this time at the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have never been on a plane, neither do I know how airports work. So sorry if this is a bit inaccurate.

_ Simon _

This year, Simon was flying alone.

He did  _ not _ like the idea of it.

Simon didn’t like being alone in general, so being in a plane full of people (for thirteen hours) but being alone? That was not his idea of a good day.

It was not that Simon didn’t like flying. He just was more comfortable when he was around someone he knew.

But wasn’t that the case in every moment of his life?

  
  


The reason why Simon was flying alone, was because Penny was already in America. She went to Chicago with Micah two weeks ago, and she would go to VidCon from there.

Simon missed Penny. He had been around her for almost every day for the last couple of years, so being without her felt weird.

No Penny to comment on all the weird things he did, no Penny to tidy up the apartment a bit, no Penny who comforted him when he was feeling sad.

But today, Simon was going to see her again. And it was going to be awesome.

If he would actually catch his flight.

He was ready for the flight: his passport, his ticket, backpack, charged phone, everything.

But he was running late for that damn flight.

  
  
  


Simon rushed down the stairs, his bag bouncing on his back. He looked around, panicked, because he didn’t know in what direction his gate was.

After a minute or so, he stopped a employee of the airport.

‘Excuse me, do you know where I can find gate six?’ he asked. The employee looked at him from under his fringe.

‘That’s the first right, the through the hall, then turn left. You just have to follow the signs,’ he said bored. Then he pushed his trolley away and left Simon alone.

‘The first right, through the hall, then left.’ Simon kept muttering the instructions, otherwise he was afraid he’d forget them.

  
  


Simon couldn’t describe how relieved he was when he got onto the plane in time. Just in time, though. The doors closed behind Simon’s back.

Disoriented, Simon walked through the aisle. Row five, the middle chair.

Fuck.

Simon saw who his neighbours for his were: a old woman he didn’t know, and Baz.

Baz, from last year.

VidCon Baz, who Simon had met when he tried to open Baz’s room.

A couple of months ago, Simon had finally let go of the memory of Baz. But now, everything came back at once.

Internally, Simon sighed. Why could things never be easy for him? Just this once? But no, of course not. Simon had to go sit next to stupid Baz, with his stupid hair and smile. His hair was longer, Simon noticed. It was almost at his shoulder.

Baz didn’t notice him at first, when Simon took his seat. But after a minute, he recognised him.

‘Simon?’ he asked. Simon turned a bit in his seat.

‘That’s me. From VidCon last year, right?’ He tried to be nonchalant.

‘Yes, it’s me, Baz. I don’t think we have been properly introduced to each other.’ Baz held out his right hand. ‘Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.’

Simon stared at him, then shook his hand. ‘That’s one hell of a name.’

‘I know. That’s why everyone calls me Baz. That’s easier.’

‘I understand,’ Simon nodded. ‘I’m Simon Snow.’

He saw how Baz tried not to smile about his ridiculous name. ‘You’re not really lucky, too. Seriously, what were our parents thinking when they choose our names?’

Simon didn’t know. His parents were dead, he had never known them. But he thought that that was not something you said to people at “first” meetings. Although this was not their first meeting.

_ Never mind. Just have a nice chat, like a normal person would do. _

_ But I’m not a normal person, _ Simon thought.

_ Then act like one! _

It worried him that his voice of reason sounded a bit like Penny.

‘Where is your girlfriend?’ Baz asked.

‘You mean Penny?’ Simon smiled. ‘That is not my girlfriend. She is with her boyfriend in Chicago, but if everything goes well, she should be in the hotel when this plane lands.’

‘Oh. I thought… You know what, it doesn’t matter. What I wanted to ask was, how do you know Agatha? Last year you borrowed her phone when I was talking to her.’

Baz’s eyes were like clouds during a thunderstorms. Simon almost had a feeling Baz could look right through him.

‘Penny, Agatha and I were in the same high school. I’ve known them since I was about eleven years old. Since then we’ve been best friends,’ Simon explained.

‘Really? I didn’t know that,’ Baz said.

 

Then the stewardesses begin to talk about all the exits and how the gas masks work. When they’re done, Simon turned to Baz again.

‘What is your channel about, by the way?’

Baz thought about that for a moment. ‘It’s hard to describe. It’s mostly consists discussion videos, monthly favourites, books I read that month and I want to read next month, and clips when I’m playing my violin,’ he said.

Simon’s eyes widened. ‘You play violin? That’s so awesome!’

Baz blushed. ‘Yes? Most people think it’s dull or something.’

Simon shook his head. ‘I can’t believe people say things like that. I’ve always wanted to be able to play an instrument. I can’t even play a triangle.’

Baz laughed. ‘I think you can manage to get some sound of that. It’s not that hard. But why didn’t you take lessons as a kid if you wanted it so badly?’

Simon felt his cheeks burn. ‘I… grew up in foster homes. When I turned eighteen, I finally got out of the system. My parents died when I was young. That’s why.’

He dropped the bomb. Now he could only watch as the ruins began to spread.

‘I’m sorry,’ Baz said. At least it sounded like he meant it. ‘I lost my mom when I was eleven, so I kind of know what it is like.’

‘It’s terrible, isn’t it?’ Simon asked.

‘Yes.’ Baz didn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he asked, ‘So what is your channel about?’

Simon was immediately happy again. ‘Well, sometimes I play games with Penny, or we talk about movies we’ve seen, or I do Q&As, or random videos where I just talk about nothing. It’s a bit of everything, really.’

‘It sounds just like you,’ Baz said.

Simon thought about that. ‘I’ve never heard anyone describe it like that.’ He smiled.

‘I like it.’

 

Baz turned out to be a lot nicer than Simon expected him to be. A lot more sarcastic, too. And funny. And Simon had to keep himself from staring into Baz’s eyes.

Simon put on a movie. He didn’t actually know what it was about, something about a boy moving to the other side of the country and falling in love with his new neighbour. He fell asleep before the end credits.

  
  


_ Baz _

So I made a new friend, I think. Simon was really nice. He was that kind of person that will still be nice if you spill your hot coffee over him, the kind who would hold open automatic doors. You know the kind, right?

After seven hours, Simon fell asleep. Baz had to restrain himself from not staring at him.

But halfway through the movie, Baz felt extra weight on his shoulder. He looked up from his book, wondering what was going on, and he saw that Simon’s head was resting on his shoulder.

He immediately went into panic mode. How would he go to the toilet? Could he even move? And why was Simon’s hair so soft?

Baz glared at the lady who sat next to Simon, but she was asleep too. He sighed.

Great. And what would he do now?

Baz didn’t want to wake Simon up. It was rude to wake sleeping people, especially if they’re sleeping on your shoulder.

_ And Simon looked cute when he was sleeping… _

Simon was a big cinnamon roll of bronze curls and big blue eyes and freckles all over his cheekbones. Baz couldn’t handle it, not since last year. But he was pretty sure Simon had forgotten about him. Apparently, he had not.

Baz just hoped all his feelings were mutual, otherwise, this would end in flames.

  
  


_ Simon _

When Simon woke up, the movie was already finished. He lifted his head and yawned.

‘What time is it?’ he muttured. Simon didn’t sleep much last night, so he was happy he could sleep on the plane.

Then he realised something. Where did he rest his head?

Wait…

Simon’s eyes widened and he looked at Baz.

‘Did I rest my head on your shoulder?’ he asked nervously.

Baz glared up from his book. ‘Yes, you did.’

‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to -’

‘It doesn’t matter. I see you’re a bit more awake now. You looked so tired, I didn’t want to wake you up.’ Baz closed his book and smiled. ‘Don’t look so frightened. I won’t bite.’

Simon managed to put on a smile. ‘That’s good. Otherwise you would be a vampire. Wait, that would be pretty cool.’

‘And then you’d do what? Reenact Twilight?’ Baz snarled.

Simon laughed. ‘You’re incredibly fast and strong. your skin is pale white and ice cold.’ Simon dramatically grabbed Baz’s hand. ‘I know who you are.’

‘Say it,’ Baz played along. ‘Say it out loud.’

‘An arrogant prick.’

Baz bursted out in laughter. ‘That’s not how the script goes!’

‘That’s the whole point of the joke, vampire,’ Simon said.

‘But you’re not angry at me?’ he curiously asked.

Baz frowned and shook his head. ‘No, why would I be? And for what?’

‘For me drooling on your shirt. And last year, you were a little… annoyed. Or that’s what it looked like,’ Simon slowly said. He was already regretting this.

‘Well, wouldn’t you be annoyed when someone tried to commit burglary to your hotel room?’

‘It was an accident, I told you!’

‘I know, and I have forgiven you. But please don’t try it again.’

‘Of course I won’t! What on Earth makes you think I would?’

Baz laughed. ‘I don’t know. But you seem pretty weird, so I just thought I’d say it.’

Simon leaned back into his chair. ‘I am pretty weird. Took you long enough to figure that out.’

‘Believe me, I already knew.’

  
  


‘What time is it?’ Simon asked.

‘Showtime,’ Baz muttured.

Simon frowned. ‘What?’

‘Oh, that’s from a Broadway musical I listen to. It’s called Hamilton, do you know it?’

Simon shook his head. ‘No. But it sounds familiar.’

Baz fished his headphones out of his backpack. ‘Wait a minute, listen to it. It’s really great.’ He looked on his phone. ‘It is almost five o’clock, by the way.’

‘Thanks. But I musicals aren’t really my thing, so I don’t know if I will like it,’ Simon hesitantly said.

‘You will love this. It’s a hip hop rap-musical about one of the founding fathers of America, Alexander Hamilton. It’s amazing,’ Baz said as the untangled his headphones.

‘You got me at hip hop rap-musical.’

 

Simon ended up loving Hamilton. After the first song ended, he said, ‘I don’t even know what to say right now. I definitely heard this before, maybe because Penny was singing it or something. But I really like it.’

‘I told you you’d like it! I’m happy that another person can appreciate good music,’ Baz said.

They ended up sharing headphones for the rest of the soundtrack.

  
  


A couple of hours later, the plane landed. Simon was so relieved he was back on the ground, safe and well. He didn’t like planes very much. But sitting next to Baz hadn’t been a problem.

Simon spotted Penny in the hall that ended in his gate. She started to run towards him as soon as she saw him.

‘I missed you so much!’ Penny exclaimed as she gave Simon a big hug.

‘Aw, I missed you too. The apartment was just so empty without you being around. And I had to do all the cleaning alone. It was horrible,’ Simon laughed.

‘But it still stands, right? You didn’t set fire to the kitchen?’ Penny asked. She held Simon at arm length and inspected him thoroughly. ‘At least you’re not wounded.’

‘Hey, I’m not that clumsy!’ Simon protested. Penny raised an eyebrow.

‘And that time you fell down the stairs because you “tripped”?’ She made quotation marks with her fingers.

‘That doesn’t count, Penn. I’m still convinced someone pushed me,’ Simon said.

‘Of course, Si. Now let’s get going,’ Penny said.

‘Wait, I have to say goodbye to Baz,’ Simon remembered.

‘Baz? But how…?’

‘I’ll be back in a minute!’ Simon left Penny with his luggage and sprinted towards Baz.

‘Hey,’ he said a little out of breath, ‘you didn’t think I would let you go like this, did you?’

Baz smiled. ‘I didn’t. I was waiting for you.’

Simon’s chest filled with happiness. ‘That’s good. Because I wanted to say that I liked talking to you during this flight. I really did. And I hope you did too.’

‘Of course I did! And how could I forget that you drooled on my shoulder,’ Baz laughed.

Simon groaned. ‘No, not again! Will you ever be able to let that go?’

‘Don’t know, don’t care. Will I see you at VidCon again?’

‘I hope so. But I won’t break into your room this time.’

‘Good. Now give me your phone,’ Baz ordered.

Simon frowned. ‘Wait, what?’

‘So I can add my number, stupid. How else will I know where you are?’

Simon blushed. ‘That’s true. Give me yours.’

When Simon and Baz exchanged numbers, Simon felt happy. This had gone way better than he imagined.

‘I’m “Not A Vampire”,’ Baz said.

‘You think you’re so funny, aren’t you?’ Simon gave back his phone.

‘Well, what have you named yourself, then?’

‘“Shoulder drooler nr. 1”. Because I am original like that. See you later!’

Simon walked back to Penny, who immediately demanded a detailed summary of everything that had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But the most important question of them all: is Freckled Simon™ canon or not?


	4. And I'm still not through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months later, and Baz still has Simon on his mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired and I speedwrote this so sorry if there are any mistakes

_ Baz _

It was six months later, and Baz still had Simon on his mind. He knew he had to tell Simon about his feelings at some point, but he didn’t do that. And life went on, and suddenly it was December. Then Baz finally summoned all his courage and send Simon a text, asking if he wanted to collab with him.

Baz and Simon were frequently talking now, mostly over social media though. Twitter, messages, all that kind of stuff. So he thought he could send a request for a collab, because they were friends now. He hoped.

Baz sighed loudly and rested his head against the back of the wall. Why was this so complicated?Knowing when you could collab with someone? Relationships between YouTubers were weird and different than “normal” relationships, platonic or romantic. Online, everything was more open. Everyone knew about you, so you needed to act like you were perfect. And when you messed something up online, you really screwed up. Baz had heard stories of YouTubers getting kicked out of the community for the horrible things they had done -- which, to be honest, were mostly totally unacceptable. But as a YouTuber you had a reputation. And it was difficult sometimes to keep that up.

  
  


_ Simon _

Simon was lying in his bed in a very comfortable position, laptop resting on his chest, scrolling through Tumblr as you do. He felt like he never wanted to get out of bed again. Maybe he could convince Penny (or someone else) to bring him breakfast and dinner, that way he could stay in his blanket fort forever.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed and beeped. Simon looked up, sleepily although it was eleven in the morning, and thought about going out of bed and picking up his phone.

_ It is only on the other side of the room. You can get it. _

_ But I will have to stand up. I don’t want to do that! The blankets are so comfy. _

_ Stop whining and go grab that phone. You’re not _ that _ lazy, are you? _

_ I think I am. _

_ Maybe it’s important. _

Simon sighed as he realised his voice of reason had won his inside discussion. He threw the blankets off, shivered at the feeling of the cold air, sprinted across the room and jumped back in his bed. When Simon opened up his notifications, he couldn’t believe what he saw.

  
  


**Not A Vampire:** so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to film a video with me?

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** That would be amazing (no sarcasm intended). But what kind of video

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** And are we going to film 1 or 2 (like one for my channel and one for yours)

**Not A Vampire:** that’s a good idea. didn’t even think about that yet

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** wow u r so good at planning shit

**Not A Vampire:** I know right I’m amazing

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Planning™ done right

**Not A Vampire:** jokes aside hwat are we going to do

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** BAZ MADE A FUCKING TYPO I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. THE ENGLISH NERD MADE A TUPO WUT

**Not A Vampire:** you made a typo yourself saying that sentence

**Not A Vampire:** and people make mistakes. let it rest

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Ha you’re just jealous

**Not A Vampire:** and of what, if I may ask, should I be jealous?

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** shut up let’s talk about the videos

  
  


An hour later, Baz and Simon made a deal: the video on Baz’s channel is going to be the Cards Against Humanity. Simon always wanted to try it out, but Baz was still hesitant at first. Simon was happy he convinced him to do it, because this was going to be fun.

On Simon’s channel, they were going to play  _ Kiss, Marry, Kill. _ Simon was shocked when Baz admitted that he didn’t know what it was, so he explained the whole thing.

‘Basically, you’re putting names of people in a big jar. They can be fictional or real, Then, you pick three and say if you would kiss them, marry them or kill them.’ At this point, they had carried their text conversation to a phone call.

‘Sounds reasonable,’ Baz commented. ‘But now I’m wondering who would create such a thing.’

Simon wobbled his right foot. He was lying on his back, his right leg resting on his left knee. ‘You know, I am wondering that with almost every YouTube video I have ever seen. It’s all bullshit.’

‘So are we, to be honest,’ Baz said. ‘YouTubers are weird.’

‘Oh my god, yes, we are. Maybe we should just stop with making videos. Without warning, you know,’ Simon fantasised. ‘And then, after a month or so without uploading, we would pull a huge prank. A big comeback. That would be amazing.’

Simon could hear Baz sigh on the other end of the line. ‘I still have to figure your brain out. Sometimes I wonder what is going on in that head of yours.’

‘I’m wondering too. Would be amazing if someone could tell me.’

Baz laughed. ‘Back to the original topic: should we meet up next week in my apartment?’

‘That sounds good. But I will need your address, then. I have absolutely no idea where you live,’ Simon said.

‘Yeah, I will message it to you later. You better remind me of it, otherwise I will forget it,’ Baz said. On the background, Simon heard classical music playing.

‘Okay.’ He was quiet for a moment. ‘You need to send your address to me.’

‘Oh, shut the fuck up. See you next week!’ Baz laughed. Simon listened to the little click that announced the end of the call.

‘Baz, don’t forget to send your -’ Simon began, but Baz had already ended the call. Simon stared at his phone.

‘Rude,’ he muttured.

 

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** hey baz

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Send me your address

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Lmao it sounds like I’m stalking you

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** I promise I am not going to

**Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Just send it

**Not A Vampire:** you think you’re so funny. but here it is

 

Simon looked up the address and saw that it was not too far away. About a twenty minute ride with the tube, so he could manage that.

Simon smiled and locked his phone. Next week was going to be fun.

  
  


_ Baz _

‘Hello everyone! Today I’m here with Baz Grimm-Pitch, from over  _ PitchGrimmBaz _ . He is also known as the violin guy with the long-ass name,’ Simon cheerily said.

‘Oh, shut up. Otherwise I will leave your video now,’ Baz threatened

‘It’s a shame you can’t take jokes well,’ Simon smiled. ‘Besides, I know you would never do that.’

‘Let’s just get to the video,’ Baz muttured.

Simon laughed. ‘Yeah, of course. As I wanted to say, we’re going to play  _ Kiss, Marry Kill _ . For those of you who don’t know what it is, I will explain it to you. I needed to do it to Baz too last week, so I’m sure you will understand it. Basically, in this jar,’ Simon held up a big jam jar, ‘we have written names of fictional characters and real people. We like to mix it up. We pick three of them and decide whether we want to kiss, marry or kill them. Let’s go!’ Simon handed the jar to Baz. ‘You can go first.’

‘Wow, thanks, sunshine.’ Baz withstood the urge to ruffle Simon’s golden curls. ‘Okay, I have Hermione Granger, Dumbledore from Harry Potter and Amy Pond from Doctor Who. That’s a hard one. I would say, kill Dumbledore, marry Hermione and kiss Amy,’ Baz decided.

Simon pressed his hand to his chest. ‘Why on Earth would you kill Dumbledore?’

‘Can you imagine I would have to kiss him? Or marry him? Besides, he dies in the end.’ Baz shrugs. ‘If he has to marry me, things will only get worse. And if I married Hermione, we would have the cleverness to take over the world.’

‘That would be cool though, I have to admit that,’ Simon fantasised. ‘Alright, my turn!’ He fumbled around in the jar. ‘I got Sherlock Holmes himself, Joe Sugg and Ron Weasley.’

‘That’s a hard one,’ Baz said.

‘Not really. I would kill Sherlock, because he would get annoying over time, marry Ron and kiss Joe Sugg. He is very handsome. And imagine Ron as your husband,’ Simon explained.

‘He would be perfect, that’s true. Who wouldn’t want Ron as their husband?’ Baz asked.

Simon snorted. ‘Straight guys, probably.’

‘That’s a shame for them, then. I’m going to steal Ron from you, by the way,’ Baz noted. ‘My turn!’

 

When they had finished filming the video, Simon noticed that Baz was in a particular good mood. He was happy to see him that way. He knew from what Baz had told him that he had his good days and bad days. Today was apparently a good day.

  
  


_ Simon _

‘What Hogwarts house are you in?’ Simon asked Baz.

‘And you say I am the nerd here.’ Baz sipped from his tea. They had finished filming about ten minutes ago, and now they were taking a break.

‘Harry Potter is not nerdy, it’s common knowledge. What house are you in?’ Simon repeated.

Baz hesitated. ‘Hufflepuff,’ he said finally.

Simon’s eyes widened. ‘No way,’ he whispered. ‘I didn’t expect this from you.’

Baz glared at him. ‘And why not?’

‘Because… well, you’re all dark and broody and stuff. But now I think of it, you’re definitely a Hufflepuff.’  _ Baz looked cute enough to be a Hufflepuff. _

What? Simon was lucky he didn’t say that out loud.

‘What makes you think so?’ Baz asked.

‘You’re very protective of your siblings, and you can be nice if you want to. Not all Hufflepuffs are “just nice”, you know,’ Simon said.

‘Cedric Diggory didn’t die for this,’ Baz agreed.

Simon giggled. ‘Nicely said.’

‘But the question now is: what are you?’ Baz curiously asked.

Simon lowered his gaze. ‘I don’t really know. Penny always says I am a Hufflepuff, but Agatha says I am more of a Gryffindor. Because I always jump right into situations and do stupid shit without thinking about it.’

‘That sounds like Gryffindor. I think you are one, though. Did you take the Pottermore test?’ Baz asked.

Simon shook his head. ‘I haven’t, not yet. But I’m planning on doing it and making a video about it.’

‘Yeah, cause no one has done that before,’ Baz sneered.

‘Oh, shut up. As if you are so original.’ Simon changed the topic. ‘By the way, what does NASA stand for? Do you know?’

Baz rolled his eyes. ‘How would I know? Honestly, I don’t know what is going on in your head. Why don’t you just google it?’

‘I want you to guess it,’ Simon said. He draped himself over the couch. ‘Just take a wild guess.’

‘Uhm, maybe.... Need Another Seven Astronauts?’ Baz suggested. ‘That’s the one I’ve heard the most.’

‘I was more thinking of Not Any Swords, Again,’ Simon said.

‘What in Crowley’s name does that mean?’

Simon shrugged, which was hard because he was lying upside down. ‘Don’t ask me.’

‘Should I google it?’ Baz fished his phone out of his pocket.

Simon nodded. ‘I demand answers.’ He waited as Baz opened the internet tab.

‘Apparently, it means  National Aeronautics and Space Administration,’ Baz read aloud. Simon lifted his head.

‘Really?’

Baz glared at him. ‘What else did you expect? Never As Sunny Again?’

Simon giggled. ‘That’s a good one, especially for England.’

‘Let’s film my video, before you can ask any more stupid questions.’ Baz rose from the sofa. ‘I will get the cards.’

  
  


‘So today, I have a guest with me. He is kinda weird, so don't mind him if he's being odd,’ Baz began.

‘You’re the worst,’ Simon stated off-screen. 

‘Shut up. It’s Simon Snow, by the way. You’ve probably all guessed it by now, because of his voice,’ Baz dryly commented. Simon jumped onto the bed next to him.

‘Hello everyone!’ he cheerily said. Then he turned to Baz. ‘Do you think people recognise us because of our voices? Is that possible?’

‘Simon, the only thing YouTubers do is talk. We’re annoying. People know us because of our voices. So yes, I think that is possible,’ Baz said.

‘Do you play videos without the screen on, or something?’

‘No, but with live shows I do. And with some videos I’m not interested in watching.’

‘That’s true,’ Simon agreed.

‘And I fucking lost the cards. Where in Crowley’s name did they go?’ Baz cursed.

‘Wait, I think I am sitting on them.’ Simon rose from the bed and saw the pack of cards. ‘Got them!’

Baz made a face. ‘You think I am touching them after that?’

‘You have to. Otherwise we can’t film.’

‘We are playing Cards Against Humanity, by the way,’ Baz added. ‘Simon, can you explain what it is?’

‘Why do I have to? It’s your channel,’ Simon growled.

‘But you understand the game better.’

Simon rolled his eyes. ‘Whatever. So, this game is about being rude. You pick a black card, and from the pack of white cards you pick an answer. It’s easier to explain it as we’re going along.’

Baz divided the white cards between him and Simon. ‘Alright, here we go. The black card says: “Instead of coal, Father Christmas now give bad children  _ blank _ ”. On the black cards there are sentences, and on the white ones are the missing words. So now we have to chose.’ He ruffled through his cards, then he smiled. ‘I got one.’

‘I’m afraid of this,’ Simon said. ‘You go first.’

‘Instead of coal, Father Christmas now gives bad children a pyramid of severed heads,’ Baz said. Simon couldn’t hold his laugh.

‘That’s so ridiculous! Alright, mine is “Instead of coal, Father Christmas now gives bad children David Bowie flying on a tiger made of lightning”.’

Baz laughed along with Simon, who almost couldn’t read his card because he was laughing so hard. ‘Yours is way more innocent than mine!’

‘That’s how life goes. Alright, I’m picking the next one.’ Simon picked up the black card that was the highest on the stack. ‘“Next from J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of…”’

Baz held up his card. ‘Old people smell.’

Simon fake-gasped. ‘They can’t help that, Baz. Be nice.’

‘Snow, the whole point of this game is to be mean. I thought I was the Hufflepuff over here, but apparently not.’

‘My turn! “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Geese”.’

‘My innocent son,’ Baz muttured. ‘May you stay protected for the rest of your innocent life.’

‘Of course, Baz. I just don’t pick rude cards,’ Simon defended.

‘You’re just too nice.’

 

_ Comment sections _

_ SimonSaysHaveFun:  _

**JohnGreenIsAmazing** _ omfg that boy is so cute! and he plays violin? MARRY HIM _

**The real king here** _ ANOTHER HAMILTON FAN YAY _

**twentyone phandom in the disco** _ They look so cute together, but we as a fandom have to respect that it can ruin their friendship if we ship them all the time _

**Laura Jonhson** _ That’s so true tho _

**I ship gay shit** _ whats their shipname? _

**notovermydeadbody** _ Idk. Snaz? _

**Graceisnotonfire** _ Snowbaz obviously _

**emobandsarecool** _ I saw that they’re called snowbaz? Isn’t that shipgoals _

 

_ PitchGrimmBaz:  _

**Jessica Jessica** _ His laugh is adorable. Am I the only one who thinks that? _

**i write fics** _ You’re not alone. They are a ship now lmao _

**cinnamonroll** _ I love Simon. I have been subscribed for like a year now and he’s so cute _

**Grandma McGonagall** _ amazing collab! _

**Isabelle Lightwood** _ Do more challenge videos pls theyre The Best™ _

**dancing on the rainbow** _ DID HE MENTION VOLTRON YASSS _

**Phan is life** _ so this is my new otp _

**I want sleep** _ they’re called snowbaz btw _

**Australia rocks** _ shippign is just so much fun and suffering amirite _

**I was doing just fine before I met you** _ pls tell me that this is canon _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ready to sleep i'm so fucking tired. Anyway i hope you enjoyed this, give a kudos/comment if you liked it!


	5. Oceans rise, empires fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VidCon time again (do you see a theme going on bc I do). This time, it is in Amsterdam, Europe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason I decided to use the VidCon EU this time, is because I’m Dutch and live in the Netherlands, so I finally know what I am talking about. Also, this is the last chapter. Have fun reading!

_Twitter_

Simon Snow **@simonsayshavefun**

Screenshot of my texts. What has my life become...

 **Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** Is this what you feel like everyday

 **Shoulder drooler nr. 1:** A mortified disaster

 **Not A Vampire:** i repeat: fuck you

 **Not A Vampire:** also, yes

 

Baz Pitch **@basiltongrimmpitch**

 **@simonsayshavefun** why are you like this Simon

 

Penny never remembered what milkshakes Simon liked. Sure, she could remember everything else, but something as simple as remembering her best friend’s favourite flavours? No, of course not.

"I told you I didn’t want banana!" Simon exclaimed. He was “guarding their bags”, as Penny had called it, while she had gone and got milkshakes. Penny rolled her eyes.

"You should’ve gone yourself, then. Stop complaining."

They were at the London Airport, waiting for their flight to Amsterdam. When Simon had heard of VidCon Europe, he was immediately interested. And when he heard it was in Amsterdam, only an hour flying away, he was sold. And so was Penny.

"On our flight back, I will get you a milkshake you don’t like and then you’ll have to suffer," Simon muttered, playing with his straw. No matter if he liked banana or not, he was going to finish it.

"Do whatever floats your boat, Si," Penny sighed. She opened her book and started reading it. Simon glared at the huge clock across the hall and groaned. They still had to wait half an hour.

"What are you sighing about?" Penny asked.

"I don’t know what to do with my time." Simon leaned his head on his hands. "I’m bored!"

"Do you know any other people here? I’m sure there must be other YouTubers who are going to Amsterdam." Penny turned a page.

"I know that Baz is going," Simon said. "And a few other people. But I think they are all going tomorrow."

Simon and Penny decided to go two days early, so they could explore the capital of the Netherlands.

"About that…" Penny finally looked up from her book.

"About what?"

"Baz. You should go talk to him," Penny said.

Simon frowned. "What do you mean? I talk often enough to him."

"Yeah, but I mean like…" Penny struggled to find words. "Talk to him, you know."

"I don’t think I understand you," Simon slowly said. Penny threw her hands in the air.

"Why don’t you get it? You fancy him, he fancies you! Go on a date and all the unsolved sexual tension is over."

Simon almost choked on his milkshake. "What are you saying?!"

"Come on, Si, don’t be so oblivious. You’ve been making lots of collabs, and you are really good friends. Like, really good."

"And why can’t we be friends?" Simon asked. He could feel the blood rising to his cheeks.

"Because I know you want to be more. And other people are seeing it too. They are shipping you, Simon. Everyone is," Penny stated.

"But fans ship everyone with everyone," Simon defended.

"And sometimes they’re right. Look at Zoe and Alfie, for example." Penny pointed at him with her straw. ‘That was a good argument. Now you again.’

Simon sighed. "Well, I guess you’re right. It’s just… I am so afraid that I say something wrong and our whole relationship is over, friends or not."

Penny reached to grab his hand. "Si, have you ever looked at him? He likes you. I am sure you make a chance if you just asked him."

Simon looked up. "Okay, then. I’m doing it."

"Wait, that’s it? No more convincing?" Penny was surprised.

"What, are you not happy?" Simon laughed.

"Yes, I am, but I just thought you would need more conviction or something," Penny shrugged. "You must have it bad, then."

"I guess you’re right," sighed Simon. He was quiet when it was announced that their flight was bordering. When their number was called, Simon rose from his seat.

"Let’s get going, then."

 

 

VidCon was always fun. Meeting viewers and old friends he only saw once a year, going to Q&As, interviews, panels, and much more. Simon couldn’t believe that it had only existed for about seven years now, because this should’ve been done way earlier.

As always, at the end of VidCon there was a huge party. But because this was VidCon Europe, there were less people than in America. Some people didn’t like the fact that it was not as busy, but Simon didn’t mind. This way, there was more time to go to events. Everyone was way closer and friendlier. The days flew by, and before everyone knew it, it was already Sunday afternoon.

"Ready to go to the most amazing party ever?"

Baz appeared from behind Simon and wrapped his arm around Simon’s shoulder.

"Yes. But why is it the most amazing party ever, if I may ask?" Simon grinned. Baz was about a head taller than Simon, so he had to look up to actually look Baz in the eyes.

"Because I will be there. That makes everything amazing," Baz stated.

"Ah, of course. I forgot." Simon felt how Baz’ arm slid from his shoulder. He missed the warmth already.

How he would never be able to say it, Simon quite liked Baz. Maybe even more than “just friends”. But since he got almost no experience with having a boyfriend, or a relationship for that matter, he was kinda nervous.

Little did he know, the party would bring a change to that.

 

_Baz_

Simon looked beautiful tonight. Skinny jeans, black shirt, wild hair and the brightest smile Baz had ever seen. When Simon caught him staring, he simply smiled.

Baz walked towards him. “You look gorgeous,” he blurted out.

“Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.” Simon held two drinks in his hands, one of which he gave to Baz. “I was looking for you, actually. As you said, the party isn’t amazing without you here to comment on everything.”

Baz tried not to laugh, but he didn’t succeed. “I don’t believe that were my exact words."

“Now they are,” Simon said as he sipped from his drink.

They danced for long, so long Baz couldn’t feel his feet anymore. By the time the party was almost over, he dragged Simon to the corner of the room and pulled him on the sofa.

“I believe I’m actually dead. I can’t feel my legs anymore,” Simon grunted.

Baz sighed, “Same.”

They sat on the couch for awhile, watching other people dance and interact. And, Baz had to admit, they were both a little drunk. Maybe more than a little. Simon rested his head on Baz’s shoulder. Over time, Baz had noticed that Simon was an Affectionate Drunk. He quite liked it.

“What are you gonna do after VidCon?” Simon suddenly asked.

“Dunno. What do you exactly mean?” “When we’re back in England. What’s the first thing you’re gonna do.”

Baz thought about that for a minute. “Well, I have to go to my father. It’s his birthday in a couple of weeks.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Simon guessed.

“No, I don’t. He doesn’t accept me as the person I am, my sexuality I mean. Well, he does kind of accept me, but not fully. He prefers not to talk about it.”

Simon tilted his head to look Baz in the eye. “That sucks. I can’t imagine what it’s like when your father doesn’t acknowledge you…”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, Snow. It’s not that bad after all. I don’t see him that often,” Baz pointed out.

Simon scoffed, as if to say that that wasn’t a valid reason for it to be okay. Well, he wasn’t wrong, Baz thought.

He stared into Simon's eyes, those blue eyes that he could drown in.

 

Maybe Baz could kiss him. He was so close. Simon’s lips were parted a little (that dude breathed through his mouth) and his eyes were so full of life. He could just kiss him and disappear afterwards…

“Simon…” he said. Suddenly, Simon leaned forward and closed the distance between their lips.

 

_Simon_

He only wanted Baz to shut up about his father, about the fact that he felt like he didn’t belong anywhere.

 

_Baz_

This was a good kiss. Baz opened his mouth a bit and tilted his head so he was at a better angle to capture Simon’s mouth.

Simon’s mouth was so warm. This felt amazing, like everything was on fire, but in a good way. Which was a weird way to describe a kiss, Baz realised afterwards. Simon pushed him back a little, and Baz leaned in a little. Simon’s mouth killed everything tried to think about.

 

_Simon_

Baz’ mouth was colder than Agatha’s. Because he was a boy?

Simon had kissed boys before, but not like this. Not this… intense.

He was kissing Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

 

_Baz_

Baz felt like he would die kissing Simon Snow.

 

_Simon_

If Baz thought Simon was letting him go, he was wrong. This was how Simon liked him the best, in his hands.

 _Now I got you,_ he thought, _and I’ll never let you go_.

 

_Baz_

Simon has obviously done this before. Baz, not that much.

Tilting his head, enchanting Baz with his lips. Baz tried not to shiver under Simon’s touch.

 

_Simon_

Baz grabbed Simon’s shoulders and gently pushed him away a little. He only succeeded because Simon did not see this coming.

They were both gasping and Simon was sure he was still in shock.

“So…” Baz said.

“Yeah. So…” Simon agreed.

“What made you do this?” Baz finally asked after a few seconds of silence.

“What, you’re going to tell me you didn’t like it?” Simon skeptically asked.

Baz nodded no. “I really liked it, that’s not it. I’ve liked you for a while now. I was just wondering for your motives, I guess.”

Simon curiously tilted his head. “The same as yours. I have liked you for about a couple of months and I wanted to try this out.”

“So you just kissed me? Like it was nothing?” Baz raised an eyebrow. “I have to admit, that is some dedication right there.”

“I had to give myself a pep talk, actually,” Simon admitted. “But in the end, I just went with it.”

“Impulsive as always, I see,” Baz commented.

Simon laughed a little and pushed Baz’ shoulders. “Oh, shut up.”

Baz smirked. “Make me.” Simon smiled and leaned in for another breathtaking kiss.

 

 

_Epilogue ~ a year later_

 

_Simon_

The doorbell rang and Simon rushed down the hallway. “Penny, did you forget your keys again--” he began, but then he saw a man in a fancy suit standing outside the flat.

“Are you Simon Snow Salisbury?” he asked.

“Er, no, I’m just Simon Snow. Not Salisbury. I am afraid you have the wrong person,” Simon said.

“Ah, but then I have the right person. I am Harry Smith. Can I come in? I am here because of your grandmother,” Mr. Fancy-Suit-Guy said.

“Who is it, love?” Baz asked from the living room. Simon frowned. He was not sure how to explain this to Baz.

“My… what?” he just stammered. “But, yes, you can come in.” He stepped inside as Harry Smith stepped inside his flat.

“Simon, who is that?” Baz had finally come to the hallway.

“This is Harry Smith, and he is here because of my grandmother.” Simon frowned. “Who I don’t have.”

Baz looked at the government official. “Let’s just get him some tea and let him tell his story.”

 

“So, Simon, you have been in the foster system when you were a child,” Mr. Smith stated.

Simon just nodded, too surprised to say anything. Baz had made some tea for the Fancy-Suit-Dude, and now they had sat down at the table in the living room.

“Your grandmother has apparently been looking for you for years, but she never found you. Since your mother passed away, we have been getting calls from her about you. But since you moved to a different care home every couple of months, it was hard to get a grasp on you. I am sorry that we’re so late,” Mr. Smith said. “I have a letter from your grandmother here. She passed away two months ago.”

Simon sucked in a breath and he felt his eyes tearing up. “She.. what? She was the only family I had left, and now she’s dead?”

Baz grabbed Simon’s hand. “Shh, it will be okay, darling. I suggest you read the letter first.”

Mr. Smith held out an envelope. Simon realised that all the answers from his childhood might be in there. He accepted the envelope with a shaking hand and read the letter.

 

 

Dear Simon, my grandson.

 

If you’re reading this, you will finally know of my existence. The government has tracked you down and gave this letter to you.

If you’re reading this, it also mean that I passed away.

I am sad that I never got to meet you, but I hope you are happy right where you are. I guess I have some explaining to do, as your parents never got the chance to do so.

My daughter, Lucy Salisbury, fell in love with your father in the last year of A levels. They were so in love, I can’t even describe how happy they were.

Lucy and Davy -- otherwise known as David -- travelled the world. When they got back, Lucy told me she was pregnant from you. She gave birth to you without me knowing, I only heard that you were already born a few days later, when Lucy had already died.

I did everything I could, but I had already lost you to the foster system.

And Davy was nowhere to be found.

I told friends and family that Lucy and Davy had run off to America, and know one knew about you.

I am sorry I kept you a secret, I really am. I regret it after all these years. I know there is no way that I can make up for what your parents or I did -- or rather, what we didn’t.

Because we weren’t there for you.

All I can say now is that I hope that you are happy. Don’t worry too much about what has happened, look forward to the future instead.

I wish you all the luck in the world, Simon, my rosebud boy.

 

Love, Margaret Salisbury.

 

 

Simon felt tears streaming down his face. “I don’t even know what to do with this,” he sniffed.

Baz rubbed his back. He tried to look calm, but even Simon could see that there were tears forming in his eyes.

“She also left you a big part of her properties. And her money.” Smith handed Simon a cheque.

Simon’s eyes widened. “That is so much money! What do I even do with this?” He looked at Baz.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

 

_Baz_

After Harry Smith had left, Simon flopped down onto the couch and cried some more.

Baz lied down beside him, although it didn’t really fit.

“What do I do now, Baz? My whole family is dead. Officially. I can’t even…” Simon’s voice broke.

“We’ll figure this out. We always do. Carry on, Simon,” he whispered in his ear. He felt how Simon slowly fell asleep.

"I love you," he whispered in Simon's ear.

 

_Simon_

Besided everything that had happened that day, Simon gave Baz a small smile. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Life has been killing me lately, and I haven't been feeling great the last weeks. I also got into Dear Evan Hansen, which has caused even more chaos to my life lol.  
> I am sad this story is over, but I couldn't drag this on much longer. I am satisfied with the ending.   
> Thanks everyone for reading and leaving kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> AO3 was down today and i reallly didn't know what to do


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